Three Months Already

I cannot believe that my little man is already 3 months old.  That went by so fast!  It is great to see how his personality is developing.  He is such a sweet-natured, happy baby that smiles a lot!  His smile and laugh are both infectious and he definitely makes life so much better.  I am very fortunate to have been blessed with him.  He loves to talk talk talk talk talk talk talk.  He babbles all the time.  He babbles to me, his daddy, family, his "friends" (i.e. his activity gym/bouncer animals), or most recently his hands- it doesn't matter to him as long as he has something to talk to.  Its quite funny really.  It is just amazing seeing him hit his milestones and develop as a person.  The little things that we as adults take for granted- are such amazing accomplishments to him.  I remember seeing his first true smile and hearing his first real laugh.  It is amazing that a baby's brain recognizes social norms like smiling back at someone at such a young age.

Smiley Guy <3

I also still cannot get over how much he looks like his daddy!  It is like looking at the same person only 27 years younger. (Though little guy is cuter- sorry Jon!)   Currently, Blake is about 26" and 16 lbs.  He is a big boy!  Definitely does not look like he is 3 months old.  He is wearing clothes between 3 mos and 9 mos.

I look forward to watching him grow and develop more into the person he is to become!  The journey has been amazing thus far and I only expect it to be even more awesome as time goes on.

My sweet Blake <3

Rajun Cajun Chicken Penne Recipe

This is probably my favorite recipe inspired by a dish I had at the Waterway Cafe in Florida-

Waterway Cafe

Cajun Alfredo Chicken Penne

Ingredients:

andouille or hot sausage

onion

red pepper

okra

chicken

penne (or any bite sized pasta)

sauce spices:

½ tsp cayenne pepper

½ tsp chipotle pepper

½ tsp paprika

½ tsp crushed red pepper flakes

2 tbsp chopped garlic

2 tbs butter

2 tbs flour

2 c milk

½ c mixed parmesan and romano cheese

Recipe:

Fill a pot with water to boil.  When boiling, add the pasta.   Cut the chicken and sausage into bite size pieces as well as chop the onion.  Sauté chicken, sausage, and onion in a skillet.  (Add red pepper and okra towards the end when the meat is almost completely cooked throughout, these items are not necessary for the recipe, I prefer it without these)

Once the meat and veggies are cooked take them off the heat and place into a serving bowl or mixing bowl.  Drain pasta.  While pasta is draining, prepare Cajun alfredo sauce in skillet that you used for cooking the chicken, sausage, and veggies.

Cajun Alfredo Sauce:

1. Met butter in pan over medium heat

2.  add/cook garlic

3. making the roux- add flour and mix until fully stirred.  Add milk and stir like crazy until flour mixture breaks down.  Add the spices, mix, and cook for 5 minutes (keep stirring)  Add the cheese and stir to melt.  Let this cook for about 3-4 minutes. 

4. Turn off the heat and combine the pasta, meat/veggies, and top with the sauce.  Toss the mixture together.

My version

Disclaimer- Blake's Birth Story

"In all of creation
All things great and small
You are the one that surpasses them all
More precious than
Any diamond or pearl
They broke the mold
When you came in this world
And I'm trying hard to figure out
Just how I ever did without
The warmth of your smile
The heart of a child
That's deep inside
Leaves me purified"




At 7:30 Thursday January 19, Jonathan and I went to Orange Regional Medical Center for a tour of the maternity ward.  Baby Taub wasn't due to arrive for another 2 weeks and nothing like waiting last minute to tour the place where we would be having the baby.  After the tour, we went to dinner at Fridays, and then went home.  When we got home, I was very tired and did not feel right (which I attributed to eating too much) and so I took a shower.  After my shower, I went to bed... still not feeling right I got up and took another shower.  After sleeping for an hour and a half, I felt like I was going to throw up.  I went to the bathroom and as I threw up, my water broke.  Weirdest feeling...  at first I wasn't sure that it was my water breaking but rather that it was a bathroom incident.  But as soon as I went to lay down, I got a contraction.


Jon of course was freaking out (calmly).... so I made the call to the hospital to alert them I was on the way, we picked up my mom, and on our way we went.  


Let me just say- when your water breaks, its not always just a one and done.... in my case, it just kept coming the whole car ride to the hospital... along with some mild contractions... and let me just say that light gray sweatpants were not a good choice either.... I looked like I could not control my bladder by the time we got there.


When we got to the hospital, the person checking me in made a call for them to come and take me up to labor/delivery but they wanted me to be put in as an outpatient first.  (which makes sense since people come in thinking they're in labor when in fact they're having false labor).... However, I was in fact in labor- that was clearly evident by my sweatpants... and she told them as much.   They sent down someone to fetch me in a wheelchair and up to labor/delivery I went.


When getting up to labor/delivery... I was glad to see my mother's goddaughter- Missy was my nurse.  It made the experience special.  After they got me hooked up to my IV drip and to the fetal monitor, I saw the first doctor of the day-she checked my dilation status which was at 2 cm.  I was having mild contractions- fairly regularly but was not dilating.  They gave me a drug- Nubain- which helped to relax me.  Relaxed me enough that I fell asleep.  When I woke up about 2 hrs later,  they checked to see if I had made any progress, and I was up to 5 cm. 

The second doctor that I saw- was a little pushy about the drugs... didn't care much for that.  At this point, I was having regular contractions and most of it was back labor.   While clutching the sides of the bed during back labor contractions, the nurse is telling me I'd be more comfortable on my back.  I'm sorry, but I believe I am the one having the contraction and know what is more comfortable for me!  Well, while all this is going on and we are waiting for the process to progress, the doctor came in again to check.  He again mentioned the drugs- Pitocin and the Epidural- he said I wasn't progressing and that if it didn't happen soon he would strongly suggest this route.


Now I've heard about Pitocin- and I did NOT NOT NOT want to go this route.  So I tried my best to relax (between back labor) and I guess I did a good job because the contractions starting coming closer together and between those contractions I fell asleep (to the point of snoring according to my husband and my mother).  Now what I didn't know is while I was sleeping, I was having uterine contractions that were nothing compared to the back labor contractions so I was relaxing during those.   At one point, the back labor became very intense that I asked for the Epidural. They called the doctor to have him see where I was in terms of dilation.  In the meantime, I had told the nurse that I felt the urge to push when I was having the back labor contractions.  Now only about an hour had elapsed at this point, and by the time the doctor came in, I had gone from 5 cm to 9 1/2.  Which in epidural time means too late but I was given the ok to begin pushing.


Now, I know I did not take the classes or anything... but honestly I do not think it would have helped me truly understand the process of pushing.   When you push, you hold the push for about 10-15 seconds and in between pushes you hold the push before you continue to push again.  It took me a while to catch onto this as well as be able to hold a push for 15 seconds.  At one point, I was holding the push for only 7 seconds and the nurse kept telling me that I had to hold it longer.  When I told her that I couldn't, my mom being my mom said, "Oh, we found something you can't do?"  She knew that this would piss me off and get me motivated to prove her wrong. (Which was effective as she knows which buttons to push).  


Now, they tell you to have a focal point as you're pushing.... on the wall there was a painting that for some reason reminded me of The Wizard of Oz... and it was my focus during my pushes (when my eyes were open). (It also was the same piece of artwork in my room in the mother/baby section of the hospital)

 I found that pushing through the back labor contractions made it less painful and then I took a break when they passed.  Apparently, this was not the right choice because the nurse was concerned that my contractions weren't close enough since I was sleeping between back labor contractions while other contractions were going on.  (Yes, this is weird, I know).... Anyways, once I realized I needed to push through all contractions, things really started moving. They called the doctor to come in since I was almost there.  Well he got called for an emergency c-section, so a third doctor was called in.


Well, at Crystal Run there are about 15 ob/gyn- and you really have no control on who delivers so they suggest you rotate to see each doctor.  Well, I saw three because I didn't want to rotate.  And it just so happened that the third doctor was one of the three that I saw.  She made the experience so wonderful.  Between her, the nurse, my mom, and Jonathan... I was so relaxed, encouraged, and supported through the process.  The doctor massaged and helped so they wouldn't have to cut me and I ended up tearing only a little- one stitch.  At one point, the doctor said that she could see his head and I actually was able to feel it.  (weird but cool) The whole labor process lasted from 1:15 am when my water broke and ended at 11:43am when Blake was born.  With no epidural... something I'm proud of.

The actual birth of my son was the most indescribable feeling.  I don't even know how to put it in words.  Physically, I didn't feel anything but I did.  The adrenaline was rushing so much throughout the process that I pushed with gusto because I just wanted to meet him already.  When he came out- again it was the weirdest, coolest feeling and hearing his cry was- there are no words to describe.  They placed him on my chest and all I could think was, "Oh my God, I love him more than anything." And I remember just crying and saying, "He's my baby."   When I looked at his face, the only name that came to mind was- Blake.  My little Blake William.  Those first few moments holding my son were the best moments of my life.

It is now two weeks later... I can't believe how fast time has flown.  He is in my lap sleeping right now and I can't think of a better feeling that being the mother of such a precious, amazing little boy.  I love my Blake with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul.... I thank God every day for choosing me to be this sweet little guy's mommy.  

Baby Mine- January 20, 2012 10:35 PM

My baby boy is officially a week old today.  I cannot believe that he is here.  All the waiting, discomfort, and banning of food was well worth it.  So is the lack of sleep during the nighttime hours- definitely worth it.  My Blake is so beautiful.


Blake William was born on January 20, 2012 @ 11:43 am.... he is 22 inches long (which puts him in the 100th percentile in height for his age- who would've thought MY son would be at the top of the height chart for his age??!) and weighed 7 lbs 15 oz.  No epidural (just Nubain for back labor pain).  It relaxed me so much that I fell asleep between contractions...

Just moments after he was born <3

I don't believe it has truly set in yet that I'm a mommy- his mommy.  I keep expecting someone to wake me up from this wonderful dream.  I love seeing how much he has changed every day.  How much he's grown.  He is truly amazing.  I keep hoping that I'm doing everything right and that I'm giving him what he needs.  But as my heading states- I'm learning as I go along.....

Dave

"You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear. Do it! Develop an appreciation for the present moment. Seize every second of your life and savor it. Value your present moments. Using them up in any self-defeating ways means you've lost them forever." 
-Wayne Dyer




Hindsight is the clearest light.... It has been 4 years since my brother Dave lost his fight.  For 4 years, I've felt guilt for not being a good sister and visiting him when he was in the hospital.  I know it was a good part due to my selfish behavior and excuses but another part I think was denial.  I didn't want to accept the "what if."  Now four years later, a few more years of maturity and I still can't seem to accept the "what if" or let go of the guilt.  I wish I could change the choices I made.  But I can't.


Dear Dave,
 I'm sorry Dave.  You were a great person and a strong person.  You were loved by so many people, still are.  I am so happy that you were able to meet my Jonathan when I visited Dad's.  I wish that you were here to meet my little guy on the way. Thank you for the memories that I do have with you.  I still have all your text messages saved on my cell phone from our conversations when you were sick.  I wish I would have been a better sister and have had those conversations in person with you, not through an electronic device.  


Sometimes I even feel guilty about grieving like I don't have the right to grieve... that because of my choices/mistakes I don't deserve the right to still be upset.  That those who made different choices than I did, that were there when you needed them, that's who have the right to feel the upset... the sadness....


But I do think of you often and wish things had been different.  That I had been there.  


I miss you Dave and I love you. <3


Love your sis,
Trish

Waiting

Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch.
-- E.B. White, Charlotte's Web

I'm glad that the baby stayed in long enough for the shower but now the waiting of his arrival (which could be any day) is tough!  I just want to meet him and hold him.  I want to hold his little fingers and touch his little toes.  I want to smell his skin and look upon his face.  I want to sing to him and watch him sleep.  I want to watch Jonathan hold him and see the tears in his eyes as he gazes upon his little boy.

It has always been hard for me to be patient.  I know that once the process of his arrival starts, my patience will be tested even more (along with my tolerance for pain and discomfort).  But in the end, I will get to meet my baby.... and all the patience and waiting will be worth it.